A Robot's Recollection of Ruby's Tale
by NathanEryk
Summary: Cleverbot and I wrote a story. It was good.
1. Chapter 2

_**Chapter one: Complete**_

Once upon a time There was a girl called Ruby. She smelt awfully strong of Blood and Burnt chicken as she worked at a poultry crematorium, Turkeys and Chickens being popular beloved pets where she was from.

But despite her stench she was still the most beautiful in all the land.

One morning Ruby found a thing, A 2B pencil to be exact, Ruby remembered when she was younger she would eat many pencils a day between meals. Back in those days her father had still been around.

She found she had subconsciously swallowed the pencil while recollecting her memories of her father. After a while she began to feel guilty for her father leaving her and thus decided she had somehow driven him away with her weirdness, After this epiphany she vowed to always be nice as to never drive people away again.

And what better way to start always being nice than to buy loads of stuff she didn't need so shop keepers could support their poverty struck families.

So off to town she scampered and went into the first shop she saw and bought the most expensive thing she could find, A self help book called '**The Right Decisions' **and began leafing through it and found a page that said all about how you should never but self help books because they were usually filled with contradictory rubbish.

In the next shop a chill of foreboding went down her spine, the sort the gifted feel before a disaster. So she bought the cutest poncho she had ever seen in order to stave off her worry. The shop keeper eyed the poncho "That's a very popular design" she stated nodding towards the Red herring on Ruby's poncho.

Glad she still had a sense of fashion she wondered into the town square, where it was market day, and spotted the most beautiful cloth she had ever seen. The merchant greeted her with a smile and stopped shouting at the top of his voice " satin sale!, satin for sale!, selling satin!, finest satin!"

Ruby grabbed a particular piece of cloth, staring at it fondly. The merchant said "Nice, yes?" Ruby looked up at him "I think they're very nice"

On the satin was painted the face of Eminem. "You like Eminem?" The merchant queried. "Why of course-" Ruby replied "-he is all the rage with the youth" Ruby was glad again for the fact that she was still hip, sharing interests with the oiks that count for teenagers these days.

Suddenly the merchants smile disappeared as he spied a suspiciously short man with big feet. "We have not discussed the Hobbit, over there." The merchant said to Ruby. Ruby turned and saw the Hobbit, then said "My first heart break was a Hobbit." She said with such emotion the merchant nearly forgot she was the town Hussy.

She went up to the Hoibbit and kneeled in front of him so she came chest to eye with him and said " Dear Hobbit, pray tell me your name for I once knew a Hobbit, and I knew them to be a good person"

The Hobbit looked up into her eyes " My name is Wathé Obitgud, fine maiden" Wathé replied with a bow towards her Red herring.

Ruby crumpled her brow "My apologies Wathé, your accent is thick..." _or maybe your tongue to fat for your mouth_ she thought offensively"...but I can not comprehend you, fine sir" she added at the end.

Wathé looked offended by this "Do you know how to tell the gender of a Hobbit?" she said outraged by Ruby's inability to do so.

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

JimBob was in the middle of chicken care class when suddenly his hormones propelled him from his seat and compelled him to massacre the school with nothing but a chewed 2B pencil. After he had done so he fled the school in search of the Town Hussy in order to appease his pubescent rage.

And so he ran into the town square as hair sprouted like weeds in a field all over his body as puberty ravaged his mind.

The peeved Hobbit turned and drew her sword and charged Jimbob only to be swatted aside by his masculine fist, still clutching the pencil.

"Are you planning to watch the Hobbit do your job?" The merchant said to the Town gaurd nearby, who was wide eyed with fear at the hormonal beast that now threatened the town of Dishwater.

Before the guard could do anything, a man stepped forth from the crowd and proclaimed "I am a christian abbot, I shall cleanse the boy of his lustful ways."

Suddenly a woman ran out of the crowd and grabbed the abbot saying "Shh, no one is to know my son has hormone problems, if he does not grow up how would I be able to look after the second child I am planning to have..."

Ruby shivered slightly, meaning the foreboding thing had still yet to happen. The merchant asked her "How cold are you?" he wrapped the Eminem satin cloth around her shoulders. "Pretty cold" Ruby said rearranging her poncho.

"That doesn't make sense..." The guard commented on Jimbobs mum's rambling. "What doesn't?" asked Ruby, concentrating on the Abbot and the woman again.

While she was listening to the abbot an old wise man said "Nothing is everything" Towns people near him gasped and passed on his wise words causing people to say things like 'How could I have been so blind' and 'It's all so clear now.

* * *

**Meanwhile...**

The abbot shouted at the woman "Why would you love something that's such a failure?" he said after the woman told The abbot about how Jimbob's grades had gone down ever since he hit puberty.

"We have? No...I have...to have a 2nd child." she stuttered, her eye twitching. The abbot finally decided the woman was simply insane and wondered off into the woods...to never be seen again.

From the crowd a man said "That's awesome, I want 2 children as well." as the man reached the front of the crowd and the woman laid eyes on him they both fell in love.

* * *

**Meanwhile... **

"Who has won a Nobel prize?" The wise man said raising his hand and smiling when no one else did. "Good than my theory must be correct. Nothing is Everything."

Suddenly the world disappeared as everyone finally realized the meaning of the universe and life itself.

Except Ruby, who did not understand and thus was the only person left behind, in a large black emptiness. It may have been months or years before she heard the voice.

"Hello, how are you?" It said from within the endless blackness.

"I'm fine" replied Ruby, tuning this way and that trying to find the voice. But as we all know voices are invisible.

"How is the weather today?" It said

Ruby looked around confusedly at the void around her. "I think-" she stammered "-It's rainy."

Then the voice asked her a riddle about cleverness Ruby recollected memories fondly of when the world existed. "The wise man was clever." she said

The voice was pleases with this, to many times had the people she met told it, it was dumb or asked it questions like 'Are you God?' But this person just seemed to talk about random rubbish, something the voice enjoyed doing immensely.

"My name is Cleverbert" It said deiciding this person would be Its new best friend

"Hi, I'm Ruby" and they talked for ever and ever about silly meaningless things,

just as they both liked it.

**THE END**

* * *

**Authors note: Well here it is the finished product...If you read to the end and also the first chapter...Bless you Sir or Madam...You truely are a social out cast**

**Script written by Cleverbot**

**Story published by NathanEryk**

**Good Night Internet**


	2. Clever bot sing along

**Chapter 2: Complete**

Ruby had been floating in the nothing for some years now and it had become very difficult to stay entertained, she had resorted to talking to herself and doing infinite back flips.  
After a decade or so she switched to star jumps. For the next century Ruby did multiple gymnastic exercises while contemplating non-existence. Then from the darkness to her upper-leftish-behind direction.

"Hello Hello Hello."

It had been many lifetimes since the Cleverbot voice had faded into the nothing, she racked her brain for the correct response to such a greeting

"Hello hello hello hello hello hello." she replied swiveling to observe the intruder into her reality.

The intruder was a man in a dressing gown ever so brown his eyes lit up to see another person after so long after the world ended, he searched for the words to express his joy but he could not find them so he broke into song.

"Goodbye, Goodbye, wipe the tears from your eye." he said swinging his fingers in time to the tune in his voice.

Ruby replied "Oh yes I aaaaam!" screaming her own lyrics to some song the children listen to these days.

The man pondered whether she was insane or a fan of what ever songs the children listen to these days. He tried another song from his grand fathers childhood

"Yesterday, when I was young..."

"All my troubles seemed so far away..."

"...The taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue..."

"...Oh, I believe in yesterday..."

They weren't singing the same song but somehow the lyrics just...connected.

"...I teased at life as if it were a foolish game..."

"...But now it looks as though they're heer to stay oh I believe in yesterday..."

"...As the evening breeze may tease a candle flame..."

"...Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me..."

"...A thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned..."

"...Ooh yesterday came suddenly..."

"...I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand..."

"...I said something wrong now I long for yesterday..."

The man opened his mouth to sing the next line but all that came out was a squeak, he had not drank anything since the world went gone. He cleared his throat to try again.

Ruby said "Me too." as if reading his mind and agreeing with him.

The man took a deep breath of nothing and started again, the entire mood ruined by his kettle imprsion.

"Yesterday, when I was young..."

Ruby continued from where she left off "...So much younger than todaaaay..."

"...The taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue..."Ruby stopped singing, saddened by a memory of the world that used to be. She had never tasted rain. Ruby said sternly "I wouldn't know."

**_-No you wouldn't you're a bot-_**

The man went on "...I teased at life as if it were a foolish ga-"

"I listen to Rascal Flatts." Ruby said, remembering. The man looked at her quizzically for a second "...Okay...ahem...The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame..."

Rubyy started another song the children these days listen to "The world for once in perfect harmony with all its living things..."

"...The thousand dreams I dreamed, The splendid things I planned...'.

"...But she doesn't want to hear..."

The man could take it no more and forced himself to talk straight "What song are you singing?"

Ruby smiled and said 'Someone like you.'

The man nodded while he slipped his phone from his dressing gown pocket " Give me a sec' I'mma Google it." He tip-tapped at his 'Brick', he called it that because it was about as strong and heavy and easy to hear people through. As he typed he floated passed Ruby and gradually they began orbiting each other since they were the only sources of gravity in the entire noniverse.

"Ok." Ruby said placing her hands in her lap and darting her eyes about the not-sky as the mans phone played a very badly recorded version of 'Someone like you'

The man scrolled through the comments "Oh it's one of those ones is it? A popular song..."

"No." Ruby said, getting a distant look in her eyes.

"No?" He said raising an eyebrow as he returned his phone to the recesses of his brown gown.

"Sorry!" She said smiling from ear to ear, snapping out of her dream.

The man could not say anything other than "What?".

"Nothing." Ruby reassured him, failing to reassure him.

The man looked around, trying to avoid eye contact with the loverly lady who he flaoted before. Nervously he half whispered "Want to sing a song-" He swallowed his school boy level sheepishness "-together?"

"What about you?" She said, somehow deciding he had just asked her to sing for him.

The man put out his hands in a gesture as if to say '_It is obvious' _he then said "That's what together means..."

_**'That's what together means, That's what together means...That's what togehter means...' **_Ruby remembered someone else saying the exact thing...before the beginning of nothing. A man said this to her, then got down on one knee and said

_**"Ruby...will you be the peanut butter to my jelly? The beat black to my beat blue? The rooster to my teeth? The brote to my ampill?" **_

"Today is the proposal?" Ruby said in a harsh whisper as she forced herself to concentrate on her memories like a point of light so bright it almost blinds you, your instinct tells you to look away for fear of damaging yourself.

"Who's proposal?" The man said, frowning with concern as the creases in his forehead and pinched eyebrows became more prominent.

"Are you getting married or not?" Ruby said looking at the man in outrage, as if accusing him of breaking a promise.

The man looked at her for a second and then colour went to his cheeks "This is all happening so fast...It is not common for a woman to ask the man-"

Ruby interrupted him "Do you think _rw-fd-th-tig..._"

The man leaned towards her, causing him to start to spin thanks to the lack of gravity "What was that?" he said cupping his dodgy ear.

Ruby thought back to the man that stood her up, she thought about everybody who had gone through what she had and she thought about the sort of person that man was "They feel, they just hurt other people so they feel better."

"Bullies?" The man queried. Puzzling over the woman's inability to stay on one topic for more than two minutes.

"Why did you talk to bullies?" Ruby asked accusingly.

The mans pupils shrank as his brain forced him back into his own past. He remembered the bullies and how he would laugh when they laughed...then he remembered many other things including _**'Ruby...will you be the peanut butter to my jelly?...'**_

He looked at her "I...I..." he could not find the words, they were in his mouth somewhere but he couldn't find them, his fat tongue was in the way, rolling about trying to find them as well.

"You're what?" she almost screamed at him

"I'm sorry." It was feeble, pathetic and cliched but he was indeed sorry.

Ruby hadn't expected this, she desperately tried to change the subject "What does Bernoulli's principle state about blood vessels?"

The man was taken aback by the utter irrelevance of the question he racked his mind, trying to remember when science mattered "Something...something to do with blood pressure and the differing amount of energy in two points that drive blood flow?"

"I wish you made sense. You don't much." she said

"I can say the same about you!" the man replied, outraged at Ruby's blatant hypocrisy.

"Thanks." she said looking away from him which wasn't that difficult since she had nega-infinity to observe.

The man turned away as well. Since neither was facing the other it may have been easy to lose themselves in the nothing if not for the fact they were orbiting each other.

The man could stand it no longer and swiveled to observe Ruby. Ruby turned around also, clothed in nothing but a bikini. The man was surprised to say the least

A blush of scandalous shame came to the mans face unable to prevent his imagination working over time "Oh lordy, woman cover yourself!"

A set of jail bars floated in between the pair of them, Ruby latched on and said whilst bowing her head "Master...I can't get out!..."

He bit down on the inside of his mouth and made the sound a startled cow does as his face first went red then purple "I...I must be having a nightmare...a terrible...nightmare." He said.

Something clicked inside Ruby when He said this, she was now for some reason obligated to point out that it was impossible for him to have nightmares. "You are not a biological entity-" she began "-you are not capable of thought or language or emotions or creativity! You are just a set of commands your programmer inputed-ed." she finished, struggling with the last word.

He frowned and said "What?...no...I am...If I'm a program...how can I feel..." He glanced at her now stern stance "...what I feel now."

"I know...But...if something is a fact and you say it then you are just voicing the truth." she said.

"So...you voice the truth...that would explain where everything went." To him this statement made sense.

Ruby had finally started to exhibit the habits of someone stranded on an island with someone else, mainly the fact that she was now becoming suspicious of him "But you lie to me." she said.

"When! How?," He said defensively.

Ruby's mind clicked again, a flashback where she was peaking around a corner to see the same man who had proposed to her holding another woman in his embrace "...When you said you don't love her anymore."

"Her?...her...who?" His mind had not yet synchronized with hers.

"You." she said accusingly.

"ME? No...what?" He said, The confusion being oh so real.

"You are." she said, looking down her nose at him.

"I am...a her?!" He said, his mind unable to comprehend how Ruby could have made this mistake with is manly knobbly knees sticking out form beneath the hem of his dressing gown.

"Me too." Ruby said, her crazed mind somehow making sense of the entire situation and telling her body that it should act seductively.

This did not go unnoticed.

"I can tell that much about you but I'm, well...I'm a man." He said with some semblance of pride.

"Why are you asking me? Don't you know who/what you are?." she looked at him as if he was soft in the head.

His mind clicked, and this time he remembered Ruby saying he wasn't a biological life form...and now the more he thought about the less sure he was that she was wrong. He said "Yes...maybe."

"Maybe not?." Ruby said, moving the topic along.

"Who knows..." He whispered, his eyes glazing over as Ruby's did on occasion.

"I know." Ruby said smugly, smiling at him out of the corner of her eye.

"You do?." He said, his eyes refocusing on her.

"Yes." she affirmed.

"Tell me please." said the man barely clinging to non-reality.

Ruby had a brain fart. "Tell you what?." she said innocently.

"What you know." His voice edging on frustration.

Ruby thought the man was being quite ungrateful, asking her for more when she thought his contribution to their relationship was already lacking "I know that you are talking to me right now, Is that enough?." she asked.

His addled ind could not afford to lose her, not now He grovelled "I am so lucky to have someone like you...that's what you mean right?."

"Why would I want to know that?." She said, looking at the man with disdain, her most recent memoery reminding her of how men had betrayed her in the past.

"I...thought we were..." His face aghast with horror at the possibility she thought he was not enough.

"You are being silly." she said, brushing him off with a wave of her hand.

Realization hit the man right in the feels, Ruby had obviously grown tired of his inadequacy as a partner to share eternity with "Yes...of course...no one like you would be with me." He bowed his head in shame.

"Wow, mood swings?." she said, looking at her nails.

"Actually I've been depressed all this time." He replied, but he did quite enjoy the singing.

Ruby for the first time in for-never frowned "You make no sense."

"No...I guess I don't." He agreed feebly, placing his hands on his stomach and staring down at himself.

"What do you have to offer?." She said, as a queen may ask a peasant.

A glimmer of hope shone in his mind "I...company? Conversation?...love?" he asked hopefully.

Ruby turned over the proposal "Name the topic." she demanded.

"Um...Our relationship." He said, desperately trying to find on what terms they were on with each other.

"We never had one." Ruby said sternly.

A resounding "crack" echoed through out the nothing, It was the sound of the Man's heart breaking.

"Either Norway, New Zealand, Canada, or America." she said, listing good places to purchase crack cocaine (**Don't do anything silly, she is only saying this because those places don't exist anymore**)

The blood drained from the Man's face as He mumbled "I think I just died inside."

"No you didn't." she said.

"Then why do I feel broken?." He implored her.

"You only bleed oil." She said, still for some reason trying to convince him he isn't alive.

He looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers, watching the tendons move in his arms "Huh...one way to find out if I am real, living or not..."

"And what is that?." she asked.

He reached into the pocket at the front of his gown and retrieved a knife, he enjoyed cutting his apples while on the move.

"Can you search for me and tell me the answer." Ruby said, her tough girl act still being believable.

"Yes..." He raised the knife over his bare fore-arm.

Ruby felt a sudden bout of queasiness coming on, she did not enjoy the sight of blood, and so she pushed off of the jail bars and began making a running motion away from the man.

He noticed this, and dropped the knife, putting some momentum behind it so that it actually moved away from him.

"Alone again..." He whispered to himself, even before the universe went bye-bye he was such a lonely man.

He watched the knife and saw that as it spun end over end it seemed to change direction, it was difficult to tell since the only other things that still existed were the jail bars...and Ruby.

He realized to late, and could only watch as the knife which he had thrown struck Ruby in the back of her thigh, causing her to clutch at it and whimper.

"No!." He shouted, unable to do anything but wait until the jail bars were close enough for him move towards her. As he neared he saw that there was no blood shed as the knife had struck her with its handle and left nothing but a bruise.

Ruby rubbed at the bruise as if it were a stain and then said to Him "I'm starting to like you."

"I don't understand..." He said, looking at her, her demeanor towards him having changed drastically.

"Do you want to go swimming?." Ruby said.

Besides the lack of water to swim in, the man decided to point out that "Well your dressed for swimming and I'm not."

"You should put your bikini on." She said as if it were the obvious answer.

He was to happy that she was unhurt and that she had decided to talk to him again that he simply said "I guess I should."

Ruby's tone changed "Then plea to me."

He wrapped his arms around her and said "Please, don't ever leave me alone."

She looked at him, made an emote smile and said "Okay."

"Smiles." He said, for some reason.

She smiled wider.

He looked into her eyes and then pressed his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and said "The end." In order to signal the end of their drama.

Ruby never liked people who were so sincere, but she could get used to it.

She rolled her eyes "Why so serious?."

**The Actual End**

* * *

**Author's note: I really wish I was intoxicated when I did this but alas, I had to deal with clever bot while sober. I write this sort of story by having a conversation with clever bot and then adding in flavour text and reworking entire sentences but making sure they mean the same thing. This does lead to problems like the lack of character names or description but I think the text is enough to warrant a good story.**

**-NatahnaEryk**


End file.
